I recently attended a fund raiser for women in crisis and watched a video in which several young women shared their stories of abandonment, abuse, and failed relationships. My heart ached for each woman, and my mothers heart wanted so very badly to be able to give them a long and comforting embrace. Thankfully, their individual stories are gradually being transformed on a day-by-day basis.
And listening to the stories of these brave women reminded me of my own. I don’t often stop to think about it, but every so often I’m reminded of the girl I once was.
It took me a long time to get to this place of understanding, but I now know that the people who inflicted the most pain on my young soul were each dealing with their own family histories and experiences as best as they could. The truth is, when you put broken and wounded people together in a relationship – you usually get a big ol’ mess that often spills out onto others. I should know, because for a long time, I was broken and wounded … a big ol’ mess just waiting for a place to happen.
And happen I did. Like watching a train wreck in slow motion, from my current vantage point I can practically pinpoint the precise moment when the wheels first came off the track. It was during my early teen years, when while watching my parents play penny poker in the kitchen with the neighbors, I came to the brilliant conclusion that all my personal pain and sadness would be solved … by getting married.
When I got married, I would have a voice.
When I got married, I would be loved unconditionally.
When I got married, life would be full of roses and lollipops, and we would live happily ever after.
Honestly, I don’t even know where that came from – because my parent’s marriage wasn’t exactly the model of perfection. But in any case, that’s what I thought, and so as soon as I got old enough to date – I started looking for my future husband. I met him at 14 1/2. He was my 2nd boyfriend, and he was almost 4 years older than me. We married shortly after my 18th birthday. I’ll give you one guess how that turned out.
I divorced a few years later, and at 21 years old I took another spin on the wheel-of-marriage. Not a wise move, because all the pain and desperation I felt growing up (and thought marriage would somehow fix) was now multiplied exponentially … making me a prime candidate for the type of man they write country songs about (and not the good kind of country songs). I stayed in that marriage just shy of 10 years. It was almost my undoing.
There is a little tiny phrase in the Bible that I love to read. BUT GOD.
BUT GOD had other plans for my life. BUT GOD interceded. BUT GOD rescued. BUT GOD healed. BUT GOD transformed me from the inside out and completely changed the trajectory of my life. BUT GOD!!
Yes, the lives of those dear girls are being transformed on a day-by-day basis, just like mine was and continues to be … all because of those two little words.
Are you in need of a BUT GOD moment? Drop me a note or post a comment below and I’ll be happy to pray for you.
9 thoughts on “But God”
Thanks for your wonderful blog. As a survivor do domestic violence, I can really relate. I am alive only by the blessings of our mighty God. But GOD, has more plans in the future for me and you!
Kim, I also have a download in my “Nightmare & The Warrior” series (Step 1:prepare) that you might enjoy. I’m reading through your blog now, we have much in common. Praying continued blessings upon you!
Jenny, just wanted to let you know that God had a surprise waiting for me this morning. And it is directly related to your beautiful post! I opened my Bible to this mornings reading. Ephesians 2:1-10. I’m reminded of the sin and pain of my past, and then I read verse 4. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love…” and I thought “God, You have something to say to me, for You are repeating Yourself. Here I am, listening…” Thank you for hearing His voice and sharing your heart with us. Cool, huh?
Very cool!!! And at the risk of presuming what God was “repeating” to you (and hopefully repeating it again), may I encourage you with Isaiah 43:16-21. Forget your past – for most CLEARLY, He is doing a ‘new thing’ IN you and THROUGH you! God bless!!
He will restore what the locusts have eaten away. So thankful that he is a God of restoration and love
Oh Lindsya, if you only knew! He has far more than restored. I think now I understand – in part – why Job could say (even after so much loss) that his later years were better than his former, because surely God has given me now far more than ‘double for my trouble’ then.