Tag Archives: forgiveness

The heart knows it’s own sorrows

At the time of this writing I am on vacation … a much deserved break, and an unexpected blessing for me and my adult children (and their families).  We are all staying together in a beautiful log cabin rental in Trenton ME (just mainland from Desert Mountain Island – home of Acadia National Park).  It is BE-U-TIFUL here, and this simple snapshot from the back deck just doesn’t do justice to the view nor peacefulness of the home.   After such hardships on my last job, and then all the excitement of starting my own business – this time of ‘decompression’ is a delightful balm to my soul and has given bandwidth/margin for my creative juices to start flowing again.

2014 VacationSo while grandkids get their tubbies, and their daddies take charge of the BBQ, I stepped upstairs to work on the ‘vacation puzzle’.  We are 4 days into a 7 day vacation and it is about 2/3 complete.  (Don’t be overly impressed – it’s only a 500 piece puzzle, and so far, it is kicking our can’s … but I am hopeful we will win this challenge before the vacation is over!)   Anyways, while working on it, I started singing a familiar song I used to sing to my daughters as a lullaby at night.    Maybe you heard of it …. “Songbird” made famous by Barbara Streisand?  Gosh, I have always loved her artistry, and this was such a hauntingly beautiful melody in it’s time, and a much requested ‘goodnight song’ from my daughters even into their early teenage years.   But as they became mothers themselves, one of my girls commented on the actual lyrics of the song … something to the effect “geez … it’s a really depressing song, mom”.

And here I am again, singing it on a family vacation??  Of course, now I am singing it primarily because I think it is a beautiful song.  But there is also a place in my heart that is comforted by the song because it reminds me of days gone by – those difficult and heartbreaking days when I grieved a broken marriage, and was learning what life would be like as a single parent.  Back then, even as I sang the song as a soothing nighttime lullaby to my girls, the lyrics brought a ‘secret comfort’ to my own heart  – and singing of the unfulfilled loneliness of the songbird was rather like making a silent admission of my own pain and sorrow (behind the brave face I put on for my children).

When I’ m all alone
I sing my saddest song
Lonely, and no one can see
This time the song is for me

Thankfully, those days are long behind me now and as I consider the lyrics of the song from my ‘2014 log cabin vantage point’, I am now reminded of this scripture:

Your joy is your own; your bitterness is your own. No one can share them with you.  (Proverbs 14:10)

And in the same way that someone might struggle to understand the familiar comfort of such a sad song (even decades after the tears of sorrow have been transformed into tears of great joy!), I think that too often I have been too quick to dismiss someone else’s pain because from my vantage point – they are just making too much of this or that.  [Yuck!  What a horrid admission to make.  But it is true].

But who am I to judge? 

WHO ELSE CAN KNOW (besides Jesus) the bitterness or depth of pain experienced by another heart?

Lord, help me be more tolerant of others pain!  Empower me be gracious and show your love!  Help me extend mercy and walk with them through the process of healing, without becoming impatient if they don’t heal as quickly as I think they ought to.  [again – yuck!].

Well, that’s about as much self examination and yucky admissions as I can take today.  I will close with this quote from my most favorite blogger in the entire world … who also happens to be my daughter!

Life is a dare to love, everyone”   (from her blog “Life Is A Dare“)  http://www.lifeisadare.com

 

Goodnight and be blessed,
Jenny

 

Lord of the past

I have loved this song since I first heard it in the early 90’s.  It was my anthem during a particularly difficult time in my life, but lets face it – everyone has a past!  Everyone has been hurt by harsh words and experienced the disappointment of broken promises.  Everyone has experienced the pain of loss, disgrace, shame.   Everyone has watched dreams die and grieved for missed opportunities.  Everyone has said and done things they deeply regret and wish they could take back.

Everyone hurts!  The question is – what do you do with that hurt?

photo provided by Dez Pain.
photo provided by Dez Pain.

Some of the most personally impacting lines of the song come at the bridge and poignantly speak to the way we so often try to isolate ourselves from the risk of future pain by building walls of self-protection and even self-deception.   I did this for years, refusing to come to terms with my past and doing everything in my power to convince myself daily that the truth that was staring me right in the face did not exist; in effect creating ‘my own reality’ so that I didn’t have to deal with the actual reality that hurt too much to acknowledge.   And like the song said, it was killing me.

Are you hurting today?  There is hope.

For me, it was only when the train-wreck of my life reached its lowest possible point, that I finally surrendered and cried out to God to be the Lord of my past, my present, and my future.   I pray you don’t have to get to that low a point before you reach out for the hand of Love that is reaching out to take yours.  There is no judgement in His eyes, only deep compassion for you and a longing to restore you.  And if you will allow Him, He has promised in His word to transform even the most painful aspects of your past, and give you beauty where there was once only ashes.  He is able.  He can do anything.  Truly, He can.

LORD OF THE PAST

Bob Bennett
© 1989 Matters Of The Heart Music (ASCAP)

Every harsh word spoken
Every promise ever broken to me
Total recall of data in the memory
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
(You can redeem these things so far away)
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of the Past
(Be the Lord of my Past)
Oh how I want you to
Be the Lord of the Past

All the chances I let slip by
All the dreams that I let die in vain
Afraid of failure and afraid of pain
Every tear that has washed my face
Every moment of disgrace that I have known
Every time I’ve ever felt alone

Well I picked up all these pieces
And I built a strong deception
And I locked myself inside of it
For my own protection
And I sit alone inside myself
And curse my company
For this thing that has kept me alive for so long
Is now killing me.
And as sure as the sin rose this morning,
The man in the moon hides his face tonight.
And I lay myself down on my bed
And I pray this prayer inside my head

Lord of the here and now
Lord of the come what may
I want to believe somehow
That you can heal these wounds of yesterday
So now I’m asking you
To do what you want to do
Be the Lord of my Past
You can do anything
Be the Lord of the Past
I know that you can find a way
To heal every yesterday of my life
Be the Lord of the Past