You worked so hard to “learn the lesson”. You applied yourself. You made changes. And eventually – the situation changed and you were in a better place.

I love when life works like that! Don’t you?

But if your life is anything like mine … sometimes we get to go around the mountain more than once. And by more than once, I mean multiple times, often over the span of years or even decades. Or is it just me.

Compulsions and addictions we strive to overcome but can’t. Long term patterns of financial lack, despite our best efforts. Relationship issues that just won’t stay mended. Sickness. Depression. Loss. The list goes on….

As I write, I’m looking up at a familiar mountain. I’ve been this way before, many times in fact. I thought the last time was … well, the last time … but here I am again. ((sigh))

So once again, I took my battered, disappointed and fearful heart to the Lord.

If you have been wondering why I’ve not been writing of late – that’s why. Sometimes words don’t work – what is most needed is to sit with (and within) the intimate company of the Triune God (the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit) and to be silent. To breathe. To rest. To listen.

.
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Slowly – a relinquishment of my false-self patterns, acknowledging the stories I made up to help justify the behavior that brought me back to this stupid mountain again.

Slowly – clarity of vision (or at least clearer vision) to recognize the triggers.

Slowly – answers to questions that only a Loving Father would ask. Hard questions. Painful questions. Questions that needed to be asked and rightly answered in order to leave this place and move on. (hopefully never to return again!)

What if I lead you to a path of pain or sorrow
without a promised end date?

What if what you want to happen is not going to happen?

What if what I want for your life (my plans and purposes)
don’t align with yours?

Will you surrender your will – for mine?

And slowly … when I reach the end of myself, I offer the only answer I’m able.

“Yes Lord. You can have my ‘yes’.”

PRAYER:

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome. I welcome everything that comes to me today because I know it is for my healing. I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions.

I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval and pleasure.
I let go of my desire for survival and security.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.

I open myself to the love and presence of God and God’s action within. Amen.

(The Welcoming Prayer, author unknown)

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