It’s been a year. It’s been a year, and I only realized it this morning. Frankly, that was a little surprising to me, because for most of the spring, summer, fall and winter of 2019, I feel like I registered days and events as they correlated to the days leading up to Valentines Day 2019.
Three weeks since ….
Two months since …
Eight weeks ago …
Last year at this time …
… and so on, and so on.
If you’ve ever had the rug pulled out from under you, for whatever the reason (and we all have!), you probably understand what I’m talking about.
But today, I realized that I’m not doing that anymore!! I’m OK with it just being February 13th, 2020. And while tomorrow is Valentines Day 2020, it is no more or less significant a day than any other Valentines that proceeded it for the last 29 years since I’ve been single-again. It will be a day for me to lean deeply into the embrace of my Heavenly Husband, the One who has been my Rock and Fortress since I left “Mr. T” in 1991. It will be a day for me to show love to my children and grandchildren. It will be just one day out of 365 days in 2020 that I choose to live my life with joy and passion and courage to be all that God has called me to be. Yes, I’m OK … more than OK … I’m happy again! Truly happy!
The twisted-knife-in-the-gut feeling is gone.
The ping-pong-balls-bouncing-around-my-brain feeling is gone.
And the determined focus I applied throughout 2019 to getting out and enjoying my life “in spite of” payed off in dividends! I found healing in the company of treasured friends who carried me when my heart ached beyond what I was able to carry alone. I found peace and spiritual refreshment in the sounds of babbling brooks and the beauty of the morning fog rising off the waters of my favorite kayaking lakes. I found God again … not that He had ever left, ever moved (He hadn’t). But I had – I had withdrawn and pulled in. I was angry and hurt, and I held back in my pain. But as healing came, intimacy returned. He is so kind like that! Never holding a grudge, always ready to throw arms open wide to receive me unto Himself again.
“”Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed.” says the Lord who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10 NIV)
Life is not always blue skies and lolly pops, is it? And when grey clouds gather, we need a tribe of like-minded souls to walk with us to brighter days ahead.
I wonder who else has been or is in the process of recovering from having the rug pulled out from under your feet? Where are you in the healing process? How can I pray for you?